Loneliness.....

" I've got everything I need except man. And I'm not one of those women who thinks a man is the answer to everything, but I'm tired of being alone"

I just love this quotes from Mother Teresa. I must admit I'm so lonely right now. It's not I'm sooo... desperate but I need a company right now. I just want to go back to the good old days when I can rely to someone. Who can lend his ears for me. Laugh when I made a jokes even it's not funny. Comfort me when I'm sad or stress out cos I'm really stressed out at the moment. Give me courage when I'm almost give up. I need that someone.

But it's God fates that we can't deny. He was taken from me at the moment I need him. But I must let it go cos is the best way to keep moving on. He was the best thing that ever happen in my life. I just feel like I'm in soap drama. Hehehe... Our love moments together just like in a movie cos he always asked me what I'm dreaming of he'll make it true. A the end I just realize I never asked him what he dream of. Is that I'm too happy having him in my life? Or I'm just so selfish. Hope he knows that I'm too happy for having him in my life. Nowadays, he keeps coming in my dream every night and just smiled at me. Maybe he knows how I am right now. Seriously when I wake up I know I'm all alone and totally lonely!!

Hmmm seeing my "secreto amor" happy with his life makes me happy too. Even sometimes it's hurts me a little. Never know that he'll transform to the other side of him that I want to see when it comes to love. "You" have a nice life okay? Even I can't told you how much you mean to me but trust me my pray for you never stop just like i pray for my family. Your name always there. Hope you'll having a great life. If I'm not in this world anymore you still have my prayer cos that's the only things I can do since I don't know how to stop loving you....That's how pathetic I am right? But when it comes to love all of us look pathetic... =(

The End..

H.e.A.r.T.

Heart,

Can you please stop loving him??

Can't you see he's happy now?

Can't you understand he'll never see you?

Can't you just let him go?

Can't you remove him totally from there?

Can't you erased him?

Please heart cos i know it's really painful and only you & I knows it.

Tears,

Please stop running down every time I see him

Please stop pouring down every time I sleep

Myself,

Stop being stupid cos it just hurts you nothing more.

Please be strong cos you already through the worse part in your life.

Just love yourself and people around you.

Nurul, sarang-hae......

Missing Him

I don't know why suddenly I miss him... I just see a couple eating McDonald's ice-cream together. It's really bring back those memories. Wish I can turn back those time. I don't know if he was a blessed from God or what but he makes me happy even until his last day. Even I know we are not suitable for each other but we complete each other. Still remember how hard he try to comfort me and convince me to open up my heart and forget my old love even he knows I can't repay him as much as he loved me. Still remember his words "I don't expect to have a space in your heart cos I know it's full with others but you always have a big space in my heart". Seriously that's a really sincere words I heard from a men who see me different way from other people or maybe myself.

Honestly I'm still missing him every minute and seconds. Even I pretend to be happy and try to move on but his love still attached to me. One thing I regret is I never repay him back. Thats what people said appreciate what you have. Now I know what it really means. Oppa if you hear me just want to say thank you for exist in my life and loving me. Love & miss you....

I don't know if I'm too greedy or what. Seeing my "SECRETO AMOR" living happy with his love ones makes me so jealous and I wish it was me. But I always pray for him cos that's what I do for the past 6 years. Even deep in my heart my love for him still strong bit I know he'll never see me the way I want him to see. Hope he'll find his happiness..

I think I'm too emotional right now. So better I'm stop now..

The End

W.A.I.T.I.N.G.

At the time i post this I'm still waiting to went back to Japan. Haishh... Yesterday I'm stuck in airport for almost 8 hours waiting for my flight. All plane was delayed landing. Air-trafficking such a bad here. Hope I can get back soon... I want to see my friends and visited special place. It's a long time I'm not visiting. Hope "HE" don't angry with me... Oppa wait for me...

Hidden Faces

Hihihihi.... That's what I do when people keep asking me why I love taking pictures with face-off.

Sometimes I know they confusing whether it was me or not. Before this I always been known as a chubby person or in a mean words "GEMUK". So when I post my face-off it makes them wondering.

Living oversea with limited food here really can makes you loose weight. My Must food here is "instant noodles" and lots of vegetables. For the first few weeks I'm really get sick eating it. After a while I get used to it. Stay in the offshore when most of them is non-muslim is really hard. Sometimes they served pork & meat but as you know I'll never get to eat it. So I'll just take vegetables. But nowadays I'm so grateful they make improve when they knows how hard for me to get a food. So special packed food for me. Hehehe... That's a relief... The new things is I practiced pilates & yoga a lot here. Not like Malaysia people in Japan & Korean are really body conscious. So like it or not i must do it. But after that you'll addicted to it. It's really help you to slim down.

Actually the main reason why I don't post my face-inn picture is I'm not confident with myself. I just loved posed with my face-off. I think I'm pretty with my face-off. When you've faced like me you'll know how much insulted you get. But I'm so grateful not all of them like that. Just need a time to build my confidence after been insulted. So wait for me okay? Huhuhu...

The End

L.O.V.E.

Love?

Speaking about this I'm really scared and tired of it. It does not because I'm give up or hated it just I'm really tired of it. Before this I love "SOMEONE" for almost 6 years and at the end I just realize it's give me nothing. I don't blame him cos I never told him how much he means to me. Until now I think he still have a lot of space in my heart. I just don't know why it's hard to erased him from there. After that, when I'm here I found someone who really cares and love me. He teach me how to love someone unconditionally cos when I'm with him I feel so small and unsecured because I know who I'm. I'm not perfect ++ I'm not pretty. Standing beside him make me likes Beauty & The Beast. But I open my heart to him and we shared our moments together.

When I'm become a little bit confidence and then he was taking away from me. I don't blame anyone. I just accept it as God's faith. I'm just hoping he's happy up there. Always pray for his happiness cos the moment we shared together was a sweet moment in my life. I never feel so much loved before from a man. He makes myself so precious. He always said that "Maybe I'm not special to anyone but I'm special for him" I'll remember that all my life. Oppa sarang-hae...

So I keep on living cos I know I can't turn back and He won't coming back. I keep myself busy so I'll not thinking anything related to that. I think I don't want to think or hoping anymore cos I don't want through it again....

The End...

The Beginning of My JOurney

Finally, I have my own blogs. Yay!!

I'm doing it while waiting for a flights to Japan.

Sitting alone in my hotel room thinking what next in my life.

I hope I can shared something to people out there.

So happy blogging everyone..